The Party Planner and the Invitee: A Better Way to Understand Desire in Marriage
One spouse has been thinking about the “party” all day while the other just found out there is one. The Party Planner and Invitee is a simple way to understand spontaneous and responsive desire without deciding that either spouse is the problem.
How to Build Sexual Anticipation Without Creating Pressure
Sexual anticipation can be exciting, but it can quickly turn into pressure when flirting starts to feel like a promise. Learn how to create a playful simmer, make room for responsive desire and build anticipation without deciding where intimacy has to end.
What Is Responsive Desire and Is It Normal?
Do you enjoy sex once it starts but rarely think about it beforehand? You may experience responsive desire. Learn what responsive desire is, how it differs from spontaneous desire and why needing time for desire to wake up doesn't mean something is wrong.
Stop Trying to Get Your Spouse to Want Sex
Trying to get your spouse to want sex can quietly turn connection into pressure. Learn why desire can’t be manufactured, how spontaneous and responsive desire work differently, and what changes when you stop trying to fix your spouse and start creating space for genuine desire.
How to Talk About Sex With Your Spouse Without Starting a Fight
Talking about sex with your spouse can quickly turn into defensiveness, pressure or another argument. Learn how curiosity, timing, honesty and personal responsibility can help you have better conversations about intimacy without trying to make either spouse the problem.
“No” Doesn’t Have to Mean Rejection: Creating Better Invitations for Intimacy
When your spouse says no to sex, it can be easy to hear “I don’t want you.” But a no to physical intimacy doesn’t have to become rejection. Learn how to create honest invitations, handle disappointment and make room for both desire and choice in your marriage.
The Desire Gap: What to Do When One Spouse Wants Sex More Than the Other
When one spouse seems to want sex more often than the other, it's easy to label yourselves “higher desire” and “lower desire.” But what if neither of you is the problem? Understanding spontaneous and responsive desire can help you stop ranking your differences and start understanding how desire actually works for each of you.
When Sex Feels Like a Chore: How to Move From Duty Back to Desire
When sex starts feeling like another thing on the to-do list, trying harder to want it usually isn’t the answer. Let’s look at how duty, pressure, responsive desire and the need to be a “good” spouse can quietly take over intimacy, and how curiosity, choice and play can help you find your way back to desire.
How to Initiate Sex Without Making Your Spouse Feel Pressured
Learn how to initiate sex without creating pressure, handle rejection differently, and make intimate invitations that leave room for genuine choice and desire.
Responsive Desire: Why You May Not Want Sex Until You’ve Already Started
If you’ve ever wondered, “Why don’t I want sex until we’re already getting started?” there may be absolutely nothing unusual about your desire. You may simply experience responsive desire.