The Party Planner and the Invitee: A Better Way to Understand Desire in Marriage
One spouse has been thinking about the “party” all day while the other just found out there is one. The Party Planner and Invitee is a simple way to understand spontaneous and responsive desire without deciding that either spouse is the problem.
How to Build Sexual Anticipation Without Creating Pressure
Sexual anticipation can be exciting, but it can quickly turn into pressure when flirting starts to feel like a promise. Learn how to create a playful simmer, make room for responsive desire and build anticipation without deciding where intimacy has to end.
Thinking During Sex vs. Feeling During Sex: How to Get Out of Your Head
Do you find yourself thinking, monitoring or worrying during sex instead of actually experiencing it? Learn how to move out of performance mode, reconnect with physical sensation and become more present during intimacy.
How to Bring Playfulness Back Into Your Marriage
Marriage can slowly become all schedules, responsibilities and getting things done. Learn how small moments of play, curiosity and novelty can help you move out of roommate mode and start enjoying each other again.
What Is Responsive Desire and Is It Normal?
Do you enjoy sex once it starts but rarely think about it beforehand? You may experience responsive desire. Learn what responsive desire is, how it differs from spontaneous desire and why needing time for desire to wake up doesn't mean something is wrong.
Stop Trying to Get Your Spouse to Want Sex
Trying to get your spouse to want sex can quietly turn connection into pressure. Learn why desire can’t be manufactured, how spontaneous and responsive desire work differently, and what changes when you stop trying to fix your spouse and start creating space for genuine desire.
How to Talk About Sex With Your Spouse Without Starting a Fight
Talking about sex with your spouse can quickly turn into defensiveness, pressure or another argument. Learn how curiosity, timing, honesty and personal responsibility can help you have better conversations about intimacy without trying to make either spouse the problem.
“No” Doesn’t Have to Mean Rejection: Creating Better Invitations for Intimacy
When your spouse says no to sex, it can be easy to hear “I don’t want you.” But a no to physical intimacy doesn’t have to become rejection. Learn how to create honest invitations, handle disappointment and make room for both desire and choice in your marriage.
The Desire Gap: What to Do When One Spouse Wants Sex More Than the Other
When one spouse seems to want sex more often than the other, it's easy to label yourselves “higher desire” and “lower desire.” But what if neither of you is the problem? Understanding spontaneous and responsive desire can help you stop ranking your differences and start understanding how desire actually works for each of you.
When Sex Feels Like a Chore: How to Move From Duty Back to Desire
When sex starts feeling like another thing on the to-do list, trying harder to want it usually isn’t the answer. Let’s look at how duty, pressure, responsive desire and the need to be a “good” spouse can quietly take over intimacy, and how curiosity, choice and play can help you find your way back to desire.